Final Exam

The author of this bit is unknown. It's relatively ancient in Internet time, probably dating from the 1970s or earlier. It's still good for a giggle or two.

FINAL EXAM

Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time: 4 hours

BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.

CHEMISTRY: You are provided with a blank piece of paper. Construct the Periodic Table. Include, for each element, atomic mass, melting point, valence states, electron structure and density. Predict the names and characteristics of the next ten elements.

ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Be brief.

ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In ten minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to justify your decision.

EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your position.

HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially but not exclusively on its social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.

MANAGEMENT SCIENCE: Define Management. Define Science. How do they relate? Why? Create a generalized algorithm to optimize all managerial decisions. Assuming an IBM 1130 CPU supporting 50 terminals, each terminal to activate your algorithm: design the communications interface and all control programs.

MEDICINE: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of guaze and a bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.

MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.

PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought; estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.

PHYSICS: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.

POLITICAL SCIENCE: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects, if any.

PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory of Nicea and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to translate.

QUANTUM MECHANICS: Solve the complete wave equation for each electron in the DNA molecule of Escherichia coli. Give the Eigen values for only the ground state.

PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any language except Latin or Greek.

GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.

EXTRA CREDIT: Define the Universe. Give three examples.